I used to get a fair few nosebleeds when I was a kid and into my teenage years. I guess they stopped for many years because I can’t really recall it being an issue. Over the last two years they seem to be returning with greater frequency though.
I don’t know why it happens. I can’t predict when it will happen. I don’t have high blood pressure (in fact I tend to have lower than normal blood pressure which has its own implications). I don’t have a cocaine habit or Ebola or any of the other causes that WebMD suggests. Generally I bleed from the left nostril and it stops usually pretty quickly without much effort or fuss. Afterwards I’m left fatigued and a little too crowded in the head.
The internet search was deeply unsatisfying so I widened the search to symbolic meaning of nosebleeds. Now things get a bit more interesting. Apparently I am feeling unrecognised. So I sit and dwell upon this for a bit. No one wants to admit to feeling unrecognised.
Andy Warhol said that we will all get our 15 minutes of fame. Maybe mine is still to come but let’s assume I’ve had it – what happens now? Does fame constitute recognition? I doubt it in all honesty. I could think of nothing worse than not being able to walk down the street picking or sitting in your car at the lights quietly picking your nose (not that I’d do that as it wouldn’t help the nosebleeding issue) without being recognised and harassed. In fact, I dislike working near where I live as I like my privacy too much. Bad enough that one has to be polite to customers at work. Goddess forbid I should have to be civil to them on my time.
Okay so if it’s not fame then what does recognition mean to me. Peer and industry recognition perhaps? Not so much of “yes, I’ve heard of Amanda Kennedy the artist” but “You’re an artist. Great . Would love to see/discuss your work”. Or “You’re an artist. Great . I’ll put you in touch with so and so”. I know that artists are a dime a dozen and art covers such a wide scope. It often feels like I’m wandering alone in the shallows in the dark hoping to catch something with my small hand held net.
It’s taken me a few years to easily answer ‘artist’ when that question of what do I do comes round to me at social gatherings. I can now do it without laughing and actually happily engage with people about how it all works from my point of view. So I guess I’ve started on the first steps of this journey by recognising myself as an artist. It’s now up to me to put that out further into my world and beyond.
Just to be to cover my bases I have my affirmations –
“ Even though I have a need for recognition and feel unrecognized and unnoticed, and I am crying for love, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
I love and approve of myself. I recognize my own true worth. I am wonderful. I recognize my own intuitive ability.”
(thanks Louise Hay)
And always carry a pack of tissues.
Well I’m just over a third of the way to my goal with my Pozible project and the steps seem to keep falling into place. I’m grateful to those who have pledged support. Thank you so very much!
Whilst I only have a handful of stockists currently, I’m starting to cast the net wider each day. I am always carrying samples on me and it’s lovely the way things lead from one thing to another.
I also now have plans to print an adorable antique cutlery set on white cotton napkins. They look really sweet.
I’m also learning so much more about computers and social media each day. I’m grateful for the knowledgeable friends who are happy to lend an ear or proffer some advice.
Thanks and this ride ain’t over yet.
To those, who would like to support even in the smallest of ways, any pledge no matter how small will help this dream become a reality. Crowd- funding projects like Pozible really do rely on people “putting their money where their mouth is”. Rest assured, I take each pledge with so much gratitude. I sincerely thank all of you.
This last weekend I was fortunate to share in a delightful reunion of our mothers group that was first formed over 16 years ago. What follows below is my response to a conversation that inspired after a vino or three. We were discussing how supported we all felt when we had our wee ones and would bring any issues to our mothers’ group. Our eldest kids are now 16 years of age but that kind of supportive environment is never redundant.
Most of us are blessed to be in a position to explore new directions right now. It transpired though that being somewhat accountable could help push us along to reach new goals.
So we have given ourselves six months to achieve our personal, self-set goals.
Below is what I have submitted.
to explore mediums other than painting acrylics on canvas
to explore ‘vessel’ – the term, what it looks like, feels like etc
I know it’s vague but, for me, that’s how I roll artistically/creatively. When I start I only have an indistinct idea. I’ve tried starting with clearer thoughts of the end product but it only constricts me, doesn’t allow me free reign and I pretty much always end up dispirited and disappointed.
I need freedom to play, to explore… to be wrong.
I’m planning to partake in open pottery sessions at my local Living and Learning centre
I’m re-visiting my love of crochet – some pieces will be stiffened with the use of a simple sugar syrup (combining my foodie bent?)
I’m planning to play with paper-mache and see where that takes me.
I had a dream that I created milky porcelain vessels, held in both hands they were supped from.
They were almost breast shaped (doesn’t take a genius to see connection there) though slightly almond, tear-drop shaped also.
Anyway – that’s my two-cents worth.
I’m planning on collating everyone’s ideas/plans and sharing them amongst us all as I don’t wish to be the keeper of information but rather a co-facilitator. We shall all hold each others’ ideas amongst us as a group.Many years ago we nurtured each others’ children. Now we can nurture each others’ ideas. What beautiful symmetry!
Not a great name but it is an accurate way to pin down my elusive thoughts for now.
I saw the Mirka Mora exhibition recently at Heide gallery and it reminded me that flights of fancy are more than acceptable in my field. Also I’ve been playing with some new paints that I recently bought and that is always inspiring.
Mum and I were also discussing the real life constraint of whether or not the customer feels that they can live with a piece of art. It’s all well and good buying art as investment – though clearly this ain’t my style. I’ve actually been discussing this with friends recently but that will be another post.
I can appreciate that certain works were ground breaking in style, technique or ideas as the time but again this doesn’t mean that I ultimately want to continue to view it in my house whether that be my intimate bedroom space, a more public living space or even walk past it often in a hallway. Please note that I’m not saying that I don’t like the work. I’m just saying that I don’t want to live with it.[The above commentary more refers to the ‘angry penguins’ group such as John Perceval, Sidney Nolan, Joy Hester and Albert Tucker (on display at the art gallery) than Mirka Mora’s work which was on display in Heide II]
This is all relevant just now as my first solo exhibition opens in the Long Gallery at Montsalvat, in Eltham.
How do I feel? Actually I feel very calm. Possibly it’s just asking a deeply hidden anxiety but I don’t think so. I’ve done the work so really there’s nothing more to do right now but cruise into it all.
I’ve been asked to sift through and find some items to place into a cabinet in order to add to my story
– Things that inspire me
– Things that I need
– Things that I write
– Things that I read
– Things I draw
– Things that I play with
– Things I think about
Clearly my blog is all part of this too but I can’t exactly put that inside a glass cabinet. This evening I’ve fished out some old sketch books and marked some pages that I think will work.
I did enjoy the process of hanging and found it all relatively painless. I can see that the miniscule changes could become irritating after awhile but for me the novelty of my first hang was all good.
It’s a gorgeous space in and of itself which doesn’t hurt my euphoria (plus a stunning autumn day). In fact, I did wonder if it being such a classic beauty of a space might overwhelm my work but I felt right in the space.
This afternoon since I got home, I’ve just been taking it easy. I’m in a very relaxed positive mood and one thing I love to take my time doing is to cook. There’s quite a satisfaction to be had in preparing food. My mother had given me home-grown Jerusalem artichokes straight from the garden. Into the sink they went to help ease the dirt from their skin. As I began to peel them with what may have been the world’s sharpest peeler (most fingernails are intact…) I delighted at how fresh they were. Thanks mum! An entire Paul Kelly cd’s worth of songs later and they were peeled, clean, sliced and caramelising nicely in my new copper pan with lashings of organic butter and sprigs of thyme from my front garden. Adding half a litre of vegetable stock and before you know it, a batch of delicious homemade soup for my fridge and a batch for my freezer.
So the link here is that good seasonal produce, mindful preparation and satisfaction of the senses all feed my art and fortunately at the same time – my belly
I’ve had some interesting discussions with various people lately about how we get described and how we would describe ourselves. At times, I’ve had words thrown at me that were meant to be an insult and I’ve readily and happily taken them on with my response of “yes, yes I am!”
Now I’m not saying that these below all apply to me.
lazy knows how to relax/take things easy
hedonist knows how to enjoy life
bossy good leader
easily distracted open to new ideas
messy eclectic design sense
I’d love to add to the list