I recently heard about the idea that in portraiture there is an inherent power relationship. The artist is dominant over the submissive subject. I attracted to this idea though I’m not necessarily committed to it. What does this mean regarding the fact that I recently arranged some portraiture sessions of myself for use as subject matter for my paintings? I am the submissive or the dominant..or I can genuinely switch between these roles?
The logistics were tricky being both model and art director (though the photographer will argue that “I” wasn’t the art director but that’s a conversation that is only going to go around and around unsatisfactorily in circles). Clearly I’m not the first, nor will I be the last actor/director or model/stylist. There certainly was a sense of giving up control and trusting the photographer’s artistic eye. Do I really trust them? I have to. I don’t have any other choice.
Anyone who knows me will understand my frustration at NOT being in control of all the variables. (Actually at this point I’m thinking that I need to learn how to use a camera and do some basic post production of the image. I’ll just add that to my to do list, shall I?….) Though I have heard that I can affect a convincing laissez-faire attitude.
Of course, that’s only the initial stage. After dealing with copious amounts of my feedback and having been sent the edited images, I switch roles. I’m no longer submissive. I’m in charge, on top!
And that’s where the story stops for now.
I’m unwell in bed, on the couch but most importantly not in the studio. My head is swimming with ideas and my soul is uplifted by so many positives that have recently come into my life and I could push my body and throw myself into the studio but there’s no rush. I’m going to be an artist for the rest of my life. I want to get well, renew my energy and go forwards from there.
Life has its ebbs and its flows and it is definitely flowing for me right now.
I feel blessed not only to be experiencing this flow but also blessed to be switched on enough to recognize it.
Recently in my life I’ve met an incredibly supportive man who enriches and enhances my life. This naturally brings a smile to my face every day.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be a part of the recent Fetish Expo at the Fitzroy Town Hall during which I spent many, many hours on my feet talking to a wide range of people who stopped to chat and watch me paint. This was a wonderful chance to get genuine feedback and I was buzzing the whole day. (Naturally the next day was spent chilling out in the bath with a bottle of vino and my own personal foot masseur).
My studio is complete and I’m fully moved in.
I’ve also been offered to be a part of a new monthly evening which will bring together a range people of varying artistic persuasions. It’s flattering to be asked and exciting to be involved with new ventures at the ground level. (I promise to post details of this event once details have been nailed down. Naturally I want many people to attend and help make this a success)
I’m thrilled with the ease of this blogging business even if it is only a forum for me to vent, explore and ruminate. I’m getting some feedback and sales through Red Bubble too – now that I’ve figured out the technical settings of getting message alerts…..
I had a grand plan for this year to get more serious about my art and though it may have taken to August to get the ball rolling – watch out people , there’s no stopping it now!
A friend recently introduced me to this idea. At first, I questioned her but then as she explained her point I came to see the wisdom in her words.
When you flippantly use the words “I’m sorry…” to start a conversation with, you can inadvertently diminish what you’re about to say. Already you’ve taken a submissive position. We, as women, can be often guilty of such things.
I’ve been attempting to adhere to this idea throughout this week. The habit is stealthily invasive at times.
I catch myself during conversations and actively reword my sentences. Texting at least gives me the time to rephrase what I have to say.
Why do I say “I’m sorry”?
Sometimes, I start a request with it when I want someone to do something for me. I’ve just simply stopped saying it. I’m not being unreasonable so there’s no need for it.
I also use it sometimes as a synonym for “excuse me” …so why not just say “excuse me”.
Then there are the times when I start a conversation with “I’m sorry” when I know that what I have to say may not be easily accepted by the listener. I’m saying that I’m sorry that you may not like what I have to say. I guess this is possibly the trickiest one. Yeah, you may NOT like what I have to say but I still have the right to say it.
I don’t mean that if you have seriously made an error that you shouldn’t take responsibility and make amends – which I really do subscribe to. Precisely what you need to do will depend on the mistake made. It doesn’t necessarily mean moving heaven and earth but it should be genuine and done with integrity.
I don’t even really know what the word antsy means – I’m thinking fidgety.
I feel restless with a side order of nervous….yet oddly also inspired.
I’ve been watching a reality show to determine “The Next Big Artist in NYC”….(yes my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek and my eyes are rolled…). I accept the judicious editing and manufactured tensions but occasionally I am actually inspired. I know, odd, eh?
There’s a fair degree of internal energy swirling and twirling inside me. I’ve been flying so high these last few days on a painting binge and tonight I had a crash and burn. Some of this my last series has been wildly successful in my eyes but one in particular is like a parasite just under my skin – aaaarrrggghhhh!
So, what do I do? I’ve put it aside, grabbed a glass of wine and am watching trash tv. Sorry, did you think there was going to be some bright spark of insight? Oh, god no.
Whilst this is obviously quite confronting and I’ve fought against it, right now I’ve got a big smile on my face. I’m feeling the flow. 🙂